Saturday, January 30, 2010

- no title-







thetarianz. i miss you. miss me not ?




zaty, mina, izzat, zaid . our place the best. thnks a lot for give me a madly bliss stying there. especially izzat. =p ( aku benci ko ! gmbr aku buruk gler dlm momentum. hisy! )




weyh, ko miss aku kan ? aku taw. ha3. jgn lupe aku. aku syg ko taw, even ko rmai bff yg menanti. . =p





suhaila, you're the person who always there for me. for everything. aku syg ko sngat2. well, like people 's said- aku nak ikat ko ketat2. haha.



tra yg byk ckp. ko suka bercakap, sebab tu aku syg ko. ha3. well, everyone like you.



ha3. one's before - tyalica. henceforth - ourself. no more boys. aku syg korg . clah. u strong. best to know you even a minute



ha3. pipah, gudluck keje. =D aku rindu ko, tapi apakah daya. hu3







omg! aku rindu gler2 tasawwur class. ustzh ! rindu sy tak? alahaiii. syg korg.




aniq. aku suka ini gamba ! ha3. ko nmpk comey. =p




teman bergossip, can't count with finger how many times we sid together. ber-gossip. aku benci bila mukhriz, nazrin dan afif kate ' mengumpat je keje' sepak kang. we not actually gossip-ing but we are.





haaa. well, i miss this moment. n i will bear in mind what we had that night. kih2




wani! ko bestfriendz aku. haahhhh. byk bnde kita nak buat. byk bnde kita rancang. mint kite sme. alahaiii. i rindu you lahh!









korang, aku taw. tmpt kite jadi best sbab ader aku kann? ha3



guys, make sure u read this till the last word kay? mmuuuhhh =D


I wish I could be inonocent and sweet
Back to how I was back to who I was
These memories flash and burn
I just want to let them go
Slide back into my cloud of innocience
And finally be at peace

All these memories flash before me
Regret pain loss and confusion
Slip from my mind just slip away

I'm in so pain now a days
All these memories swiming
Just stay still
Burning me away
I don't even know myself now
Run and hide but they still find me
can't stop thinking of who I was
It just brings more pain

All these memories flash before me
Fear anger mistakes and regection
Slip from my mind just slip away

Only all these bad ones seem to stick
But now I'm thinking andseeing
Going back I would lose so much
All my friends all my loves
You caused so much pain
But still my love remains
I know we will part one day
But I'll only remeber the rain

All these memories flash before me
Love friendship hope and dreams
Stay in my mind just stay now..

Thursday, January 21, 2010

from ym. i like this.

ibnu_gambureey (14/1/10 4:48 PM):

tika wajah penat memikirkan dunia, maka berwudhulah.. tika tangan ini letih menggapai cita-cita, maka berdoalah, tika bahu ini tidak kuasa memikul amanah, maka bersujudlah, ikhlaskan semuanya dan dekatilah ALLAH s.w.t..... agar tunduk disaat yang lain angkuh... agar teguh disaat yang lain runtuh... agar tegar disaat yang lain terlempar"

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

i think bout you everyday . lol


Part 1

Anytime I hear your name being mentioned
I feel like I'd loose my mind
Anytime I hear anybody talk about you
I feel like I'm gonna cry
And the life is getting difficult for me
I can do nothing without thinking of you
And then I'm glad you promised to be mine forever
Nothing is gonna change your mind

Bridge

When I thought it is my last breath
(My heart keep calling your name)
When my family closed it's eyes
(You opened your heart for me)
Ooh ooh I wanna know
(The place you're gonna be)
Ooh ooh I wanna know
(The place you wanna be)

Chorus

I think about you every night and day
I think about you when I close my eyes
I think about you when I open my eyes
I think about you every day

I see your picture everywhere I go
I see your picture when I close my eyes
I see your picture when I open my eyes
I see your image everywhere

Part 2

I miss all the things we ever shared with you
I miss a bed we share baby
I miss all the love we ever shared with you


I keep thinking bout you and i really waiting for you.
SPM result ....


p/s truly. i can't wait anymore.. more faster it came out, more peace my life. huu



Tuesday, January 5, 2010

they make me fell like i got a lure ;)



ya. i'm feeling like that. muaahah. ok la kan ku critakn bgaimana ianya berlaku dgn sekelip mate shaja. k now. blink your eyes once! cehh. smlm, mser kau duduk2 tgk tv, mama ty

m : zati, you want to work ?
z : keje? kat mner ? ( nada mlas nak ambik taw sgt. aku pmals. )
m : tadi, mama ty kat tadika an-najaah dorg nak org sgt. mama kate nanti mama ty ank sy dulu.
z : (mate masih di tv, namun otak da semcm. hati bergelodak. agak teruja. ) what? haa. blh jugk. gaji brape? bila blh stat?
m : gaji mama tak taw, coz mam tak ty pun. esk la blh stat.
z : hahah. cam klaka je. blh la.

dan begitulah alkisahnya. dan hari ini pd 5 januari aku memulkan keje aku. mak aku htr aku agk lmbt la. around 7. 50 a.m ( actually pg tu agk liat untuk bgun coz aku bru mengibarkan bndera jepun ) don't understand juz shut your big mouth then. smapi2 tu mama htr kat office dier, aduhai so scary laa this ustaz. mama said. ni la ank sy. aku juz bow and smile. muker honest hbis la ni. ustz tu kater. ouh. ok2. dier tgk check file. mak aku pun tgl la aku dgn ustaz tu. dlm hati agk berdebar-debar la jugk but aku kn pndai buat muker. muker cool je. haha. ustz tu ty2 aku jwb dgn pnuh confident je. gye nak interview for scholar jee. ha3. aku pyo brani je pndg mate ustz tu dlm2 , sj je . ustz tu tga brkate smbil pndg sner sni, nmun slpas dier myedari pe yg aku lakukan . dier sperti tidk maw mglah lalu terjadilah permainan lwn mate smbil berkata-kata. ha3. dier kate aku akn jdik pmbantu guru dulu. ok2. fine. insyaAllah. i will do my best. hopefully. ustz tu ty ader ape2 nak ty. i just said. buat mser ni takde la lagi. but bler kuar drpd blik tu aku rse nak myumph2 diri aku coz lupe nak ty pasl gaji. alaa. bia lah. ibarat yg kiter blaja kat taswur, kerja mesti krana Allah, dpt la sumber yg halal. wlaupun ader la sekelumit prasaan yg uhuuuk ckit . sy nak gji arini jgk.! haha

then, aku pun kluar mncri org dan lebih dknali sbgai knk2.org first yg aku knl adlh ifa. dier pun bru stat arini. but aku rse dier ader relationship kott ngn guru kat sini. entahlah. lantak dier. hmm. tgk nak suruh budk2 tu msuk. adoyai. serious byk budy yg shouting like doing opera . nangis2. nak blik! nak mama! haha. aku nk tergelak je. whai insn ygg bername knak2 knapelah anda comey sgt. x thn i! klh RAIN kesygn. he3 . ttbe ader seorg cikgu tu. ehh. lupe nak citer. aku terpijak munth seorg knak2 yg sdg menngis. eeeeeeiiiiiuuu. i don't know what to say, i don't know what to do. i can't thinking anything except water. ye, aku perlukn air. then i ask, ifa where 's the toilet. dier bun tunjuk. aku pun wash my yucks leg. k proceed then. cikgu tu ty nmer aku suruh jg seorg budk ni. alahai, cian dier. his mama juz left and go. dier x dftar lgi. dier diam je. pastu aku kan permah mulut tak leyh nak diam. aku pun ajk la diam main. dier tnak, k fine. kita duk cni. dier asyik ckp. nak mama. cian sgt2. aku pun nk ckp gak. akak nak mama akak jugk. lamer diam tu. aku stat la jadik wartawan tak bertauliah pd die. ty name , dn umur. pastu aku ajk dier duk kat kerusi coz kaki aku ni da x blh menampung buttock aku yg brat selpas aku hy duduk mencangkung. dier pun ikut aku. aku kmbali pd soalan2 yg berlegar di kepla aku. ouh. ya. nmer dier hafizuddin. but dier surow pgl hafiz. da teruna ni mesti hsm. betul! ak ty la tgl mner, mak keje ape, ader abg tak. hehe. tu soaln ptame actually. aku ty nmer pun aku x brape dga. so juz hmm. ttbe dier crik beg die. ouhh. dier lapa. dlm beg dier ader fries. dier mkn. nak je minx stu coz aku memg lapa ni. tp sebab rmai parents kat situ so aku hlgkn cpat2 niat aku yg mulia tu. aku pun bork2 la ngn dier. smbil tu dlm proses memujuk dier msuk ke kls. ustz da stat mgajar. dier kn biler nak bgi smgat kat kids tu dier akn ckp cmnie.

isy. mner boleh nie, sorg budk mnangis blh menang ngn ramai org kat sini


aku nak tergelak sebab mesti parents budk tu agk terasa. eh, jaat ker aku. tidk mungkin coz ustz tu muker dier agk grang then ajar kids yg comey2 ni. tu yg klaka senanye.

hafiz ajk aku main buain. dier da stat nak rpat ngn aku. tgk kaki la sipa yg pujuk hik2. nmpk kucik dier ckp. dier ad kucingg gak. nmer montel. haa. aku pun ckp. isy. akak takut kucing. tak blh2. then abruptly ad cikgu lain yg memgil cikgu2. dlm hati aku, aku ker tu. isy. cikgu ke ? kot la. aku pun berpling. dan ternyata ianya aku.

c : sy nak tmpatkn cikgu dgn budk2 4 thun. hafiz ikut skali.
me : ouh. okay2. jum hfiz.
h : tknak. hfiz nak tunggu mama
c : da. cpat2.
me : ( aku pjuk hfiz lagi dan akhirnye brjaye)

dlm class aku ader 7 org je.. ni suma 4 thun. ilyas, amirul, daniel, bibah, danish,umaiyyah dan tmsuk hafiz. pcaye x. yg ok memula umaiyyah ngn mirul je. yg lagi 5 tu mngis lg. duk kat tepi2 pintu. menunggu ibunya. aku suruh umaiyyah ngn mirul duduk dlu. so, aku pun pujuk la sorg2 dri mereka. hmm. pe yg aku tak suke kat sini. cikgu2 dorg juz tglkan budk2 yg mnagis tu. dorg wat x taw jehh. hailaaa. bg aku la. budk2 ni nak ksih syg je. dorg ngis sebab dorg risau kat skola ni sp nk syg dorg? cikgu grang . dan stlah menggunakan sgala ilmu yg aku pnah bc bg melyan kank2 lalu ketujuh2 mereka dpat berkumpul. semua knak2 yg aku jg sgt lah comeyl. aku pun bg la kts surow dorg mewrna dan melukis. aku dpt blaja yg budk2 nie. x semuanye sme. mereka pelbagai kerenah. mcm ilyas. dier suke menulis. mirul tu mcm ke arah art sikit. daniel suke membc walaupun x pnadi bc lagi . danish agk pmls dier sk tgk org jee.bibah ni agk slumber ckit. haha. klka. dier ngn slumber je amik air org dan minum. lagi kesian . danishnye ribena. hbis sebab dier inum. pas minum dier cmpak kat luar. memg slumber bbe! umaiyyah. dier rjin dn bijk ! dier mcm aleesya ckit. sukakn pujian. so aku menghambur ribuan pujian untuk dier. hafiz dier ank org kye kott sebab dier mcm geli kat dorg n x suke rmai2 org ni. ha3 dn dier smcam rapt ngn aku dn dier nak dkat ngn aku je. bley aku kuar kjap dlm clas. rmai je ikut blkang punggung mcm ank itik pun ader. ha3.

the best part, dorang gaduh sebab aku. ha3. relaks2 adik2 jgn gduh sebab akk ! ehh, tapi kan dorang pgl aku cikgu ! sukanye. lalu sner sni org pgl. cikgu!cikgu! haha. besar mandat tu. takde la. bile aku ckp2 ngn hafiz maiyyah cm mara je. so aku lyn maiyyah pulak. lg teruk c amirul ngn ilyas ni asyik gduh je! aku lyn mirul, ilyas amik buku mirul, bler aku aja ilyas colour, mirul ckp. isy. nak kmas la. ha3. dorg sgt rajin dn mndgar kata laa. ad mser tu bgaduh smpai pukul2 aku pun mula da rse hangat. aku surow suma duduk if x cikgu xnk kwn sespe pun. suma dga. yipee. pastu bila kau surow kms. alahai rjin sgt nak kmskn brang org skali. aku ckp la sper xkms xdpt mkn. mirul tgh bc buku, ilyas trik camtu je. adoyyyaii. lmer gak aku nk leraikn. sorg nak bc buku, sorg nak kms brang. haha. mngis. itu lumrah! aku da mula rse syg kat dorng coz dorg buat aku mcm 'kakak' dorng. isyy. pastu rmai budk2 lain nak join class kitaorg. haha. tak blh2 . aku nak mereka je. tapi kan. aku ad konflik cikit di situ dan inya membuatkan aku berfikir due kli untuk bkerja di sini. aduhh. sush nak membuat pilihn ini. but i won't story anything bout tht. hoho. aku syg la kat dorg. aku rse nak ngis je bile aku nk bilk td. danish psan. jgn lupe dtg esk. ilyas da la asik nak dkat ngn aku jee. tnak berpish. manja semcm. biler aku nk blik tu dier mcm nak ngis. then suma ty, cikgu nak g mner? aku juz ckp. cikgu nak blik la. bye2. dorg blh ty lg. blik mner? blik rumh la syg. bahkan mser aku pgang kunci nak htr cikgu lain blik. dorang sibuk ty aku nak g mner. isk2. aku sedih. bru hari ptame da mcm nie. cmner klau esk aku tkde. dorng cmner tah ? esk aku nak g kursus keta. tp bukn itu sebabnye aku bpikir due kli. hoho. i'm in dilemma. i luv them damn much!



biler nak tgkp gambr , dier pndg. ni bukn student aku. ty nmer diam jee. ha3




ni mirul. dier nkal ! tp baik . ha3



mirul's enemy. ben 10 ! ilyas namenyer.





aku agk rapt ngn dorang ni. suka bersaing. adoyai!




budk ni suke mkn crayon. germ aku. haha. nmer dier azam








akhirnye, dier blh bmain !




ni la hafiz yg hsm tu.



maiyyah ni, mee jatuh dier kutip blik. isy!





ini danish namenyer. comey kann? mula2 ngis berguling2




budk giler ben10 . tp manja sgt ! eeee..




suker tgkp gmbr. bler captured je. shout- nak tgk2 pastu surow kau tgkp gmbr owg len plak





dorang ni kuat mkn taw !

they back to school, i'm sleeping

pada 4 januari adik2 aku ke sekolah dan aku msih setia di rumah. seriously bored! aku bc novel, tgk tv, kms rumh. pusing2 last ke tv juge. hee~ fortunately ad citra , so agk menarik la citer dier. dan aku ader hobi bru iaitu bermain word search. best woo. sgt relieved di situ pbila selesai. gye hebt la tu. tunggu knak ini blik pun letih. aku x sedr mse brlalu begitu je. eh, da pkul due daa,, ha3.
mari aku sertakan gmbr2 adikku pd pagi sekolah. adik laki aku da ciap mndi da, ttbe tdo. cian dorg. mesti jeles tgk aku. memg pun. tapi kan. if aku twu la yg aku akn selpang ini, mesti aku x buang mser sgt kala spm year. tapi nak buat cner. its over. juz waiting the result. haaa. creepy!






aleesya . sgt bsmgat ke skola . potpetpotpet




aisya . struggle for pmr !



won. dier tdo. klka je..



!

akhirnye, dier kmbali bsmgat ke skola, walaupun msih tdo. ! chaiyok adik2ku

Saturday, January 2, 2010

a dream of muslimah

I remember it was winter in England and I was catching a train back to the city where I lived. It was cold, I looked out, White snow was falling lightly from the gloomy sky. The train was moving fast, and as it moved I could see grounds in white all covered up by snow. ‘Covered up?’ the word rang in my head. Images of hijab and headscarf flashes on my mind.

For the two hours journey, I couldnt sleep even once. There was too much on my mind. I was born as a Muslim. And I didn‘t pray five times a day like everybody else. I hardly could read the Quran. People could say I was illiterate in a way. Because at times, it took me a long while to finish even a short verse from the Quran. It was in Arabic and I was never taught Arabic, that was my excuse of not reading. I thought as long as you have a good heart that‘s good enough. And if you don’t commit huge sins, you’ll be fine. But what she said, made my whole perspective looked, vain.

I was from London and on my way back home to the North West region. My heart wasn’t at ease. What she said had made me thinking, and I was thinking real hard. She was a nice girl. ‘Be a true Muslim, and not just a Muslim by name,’ she said politely with a smile, but the meaning was intense. She was merely quoting and was not saying it to me but my heart was touched. What kind of Muslim, had I been all these while? I don’t want to be a Muslim and only by name. It doesn’t sound good either. As the train moved, heading to North West where I lived, I let out few sighs.

Few months after later.. ‘Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim..,’ I read out loud before starting to read the Quran. My web-cam was on. That night We were in the middle of Quranic circle. It’s an activity that we do once a week. Through this circle, we read the Quran in turns. All were ladies. Sometimes we get to discussed about the meaning behind the Quran verses and some Hadith from Rasulullah. It was amazingly fun and I never thought I would actually had fun doing religious activity. I was very thankful to Siti and her older sister because now I can read the Quran much better. And since then, I keep on gradually changing, I realised. How I view life has changed too, a bit if not much.

At nights before I slept, I thought of going to a place. Somewhere faraway and seemed hard to reach but I knew its reachable. And if possible, I wanted to go there with someone that I loved. Of course that’s still remain as a wish and I hope it’ll come true one day. My life is never this calm! I now wear headscarf everywhere I go. It doesn’t feel right without it. Sometimes that leads to guilt, when people sees my hair. So I wear headscarf whenever I go out. My social activity especially when interacting with men has also changed. I used to be friendly and outgoing, even with the opposite gender. Now I feel sort of afraid. Sometimes I limit myself from being too ‘friendly’ with men. Sometimes, I think twice before I talked to them. Is it necessary or not to talk now? Because Women can be a fitnah to men, I don’t want to build up sins.

I used to look for a romantic boyfriend before. I searched high and low but funny that I never really had a boyfriend until now. I used to ask why? The question is why. Because I’m not unpretty. But now I understand the reason behind. Having a romantic relationship outside marriage can lead to something that breaks the law of Syariah. All praise to Allah, I’m glad I never had boyfriends before. I’m not worried if I don’t find a guy any sooner. I’m not looking for a relationship anymore. And definitely not looking for someone based on how romantic he is. I’m going with the flow, after all everything about humans has been written. I want to fix myself first.

I read somewhere about ‘Mencintai kerana Allah’ or ’Loving you because of God’. It was a nice Malay blog entry. I am aiming for that kind of love now. It sounds more pure than romantic love, to me.

‘What’s your dream guy like?’ a friend asked me one day while we ride on a taxi.

I didn’t replied him immediately though, ‘and have you found him?’ he added quickly.

‘Why do you want to know’ I politely asked with a smile.

‘Well, only asking,’ he replied calmly. Then there were silent. The road was wet due to the rain. It was soon before the taxi reached my home.

‘Was he like me?’ he then added. He was hinting something, I knew. I’ve been waiting for this moment all this year. And this could be a dream come true, but..

‘My dream guy is,’ I began ‘Someone who can guide me, you know, he leads and I follow,’ Then I paused.

‘I can be the guy,’ He said confidently.

There was silence again, a long one. The taxi finally reached my home. I said goodbyes to him and walked to my front door. I wave before the taxi accelerated again. He smiled to me even though I didn’t gave him the answer. He was a nice guy but he couldn‘t be the guy. Because…

I want to live with a guy who could guide me, so that I can get closer to My Creator. I want a man who can lead as an Imam, in every prayers that we’re gonna do together as married couple. A man who would tell Islamic history as a bed-time-stories to our children in the future. I want a man who’ll read the holly Quran to me, to cheer me every time I’m down. That is my dream guy and before I can meet him, I knew I need to fix myself first.

One beautiful spring afternoon, I was at a function. There were many Malays all gathered. That’s when I met him. He’s not just decent but he has the characteristic of my dream guy. Every time our eyes met accidentally during the event, he quickly moved away his stare. That convinced me, even more. I knew he’ll be a good amir, a leader of a family. Secretly I prayed: O‘ Allah, I want that kind of guy as a partner in life. At nights before I slept, I thought of going to a place. Somewhere faraway and seemed hard to reach but I knew its reachable. And if possible, I wanted to go there with someone that I loved. I want to go to Jannah (the heaven) with him! I’ll wait here and I know the wait is worthy.


copying this from iluv islam. these stories seems to be same with me even in different time and place. ya. waiting worthy. the hope. insyAllah .

post yang ke-100 . woah!

it was tagged by sya. haha. pg tadi tga tolong dia blut bku ttbe berlaku conversation aku dn dia
s : ati, ati x pnah bls tagged sya. sya byk da wat tagged kat ati ( ngn nada manja dier tu )
me : haha. yeker? ati x persn laa. nati ati buat laa . lgpun ati jarang bkak blog sya. haha ( kejm kan aku ? )

lalau untuk mngambil hatinya, aku buat la slh satu tagged ini. n aku memg x suke buat bnde ni senanye, tp jika bosn mendtang best juga bukn? hehe

1. Adakah anda rasa anda hot? Siapakah anda?
hm.. not too. aku adlah diri aku yg tlah diciptakan oleh ALLAH sebaiknya. alhamdulillah.

2. Upload gambar kesayangan anda.











3. Cerita pasal gambar.
haaa. senanye byk lg gmbr yg aku syg teramat.nmun buknlah untu dihebhkan. biarlah tersimpn bersame sekalung memori yg terindah di situ. dn buknlah gmbr menjadi tnde syg kite untuk dibuktikan kn? :)
first picture : mama dan papa. mser ni mama trying to capture gmbr papa. ha3 . klaka betul. dlm keta. so agk2 gerk2 la. haaa. mereka sgt sweet !
second picture : adoyoi ! seriously byk gler gmbr aku bsame si mnis ni. bak kata papa - puteri bongsu . bak kata mama - penyeri rumah.. memg la budk ni byk ckp ! aisya jelez! ha3.
third picture : ngn die pun aku byk bgmbr. tp x sbnyak aleesya. budk ni gle ! mcm2 bnde dier blh jadik. serious aku ckp.

~ eh, my other siblings- eidel dan mirul , sory, takde picture, mls la nak crik. byk sgt gmba. nak tggu loading adoyai . sgt membuang mse di situ. then ati amik gmbr yg dpan mate je laa.hehe. btw, i syg sgt2 kat korg. andalah penyeri rumah yg membuat aku tersenyum dan tergelak2 sentiasa. terima kasih keluargaku. :))

4. Bila kali terakhir anda makan pizza?
pizza ? haha. dulu tiap ari sabtu kala sehati berdansa aku ngn sya mesti order pizza hut. skrang da tkde . x mkn laa. last time ari rabu lpas kat kl sentral. big pizza. but lapaaa pulk weyh! haha
t
5. Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar.
enchanted-that's how you know. aku suka lyric die!

6. Apa yang anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?
tiada. sebab tkde laa aku buat tag yg membuang mse ini. tp best!

7. Selain nama sendiri anda dipanggil nama apa?
aty, zaty, zatyrainz, zatycullen, zatyfedex, ti, zafirah, titi frutie, izzat ( agk bengong kann) gendut, gebu ( uweeekk) dn sbagainye.

8. Tag lagi 6 orang
hm. perlu ke? sy mahu tag mereka yg membaca entry ini. buat jgn x buat! nanti habaq sma den

9. Siapa no 1 bagi anda?
-he love me. haha

10. Kata sesuatu bagi no 5
-you jump, i jump ! lets do it

11. No 3 ada hubungan dengan siapa?
-with me obviously. muahah.

12. Bagaimana pula dengan no 4?
-isy. sudah geharu cendana pula, sudah tahu bertanye pula.

13. Pesanan kepada orang no 6

- If i don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? chewwaah!! well, i mean it.

14. Apa kelebihan yang ada pada blogger no 2?
- ask himself. he would know that.


Limfoma dan Chemoteraphy

Satu hari harap aku punya masa untuk nukilkan kisah ini, kisah yang tak pernah terlintas di benak fikiran. Tawakal dan kasih sayangNYA saja ...